Shortbus Racing

Just an ordinary day
till you came around
I had my feet on the ground
so much for that

Just an ordinary day
till you came around
and now my life’s upside down
imagine that

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iicyNKzIF5A

So, Mexico didn’t happen.  What did happen is that my travel partner is giving me weird vibes, and finally 2 days before we were going to leave, he says he doesn’t want to go.  Leaving me to cancel everything I’ve booked and try not to have a disappointed breakdown.  I tried to find a way to save it, but nothing stuck and I didn’t want to go on my own.  I was really sad.  I wanted to still go on a trip, but I was just so tired and defeated after like a month of planning to have it not materialize for me that I couldn’t muster the enthusiasm to get 2 people excited about something again.  Maybe for myself I could just take off and be fine, make due with something else but like hell I was going to try and get him enthused again after that.  All I wanted was some genuine excitement from him.  And I didn’t want to waste my whole vacation just sitting around playing wow and being bored.  That’s what we were on track for anyhow, but a few days later he flipped out over my dog and left prematurely.  I was shook up, but a day or so later decided to take my trip to somewhere, anywhere and headed north.  Started feeling better right away, travel is great like that. Met up with a friend in Boulder, crashed there a day or so, then headed to Moab.  Spent a day exploring Arches and Canyonlands. Pictures to come. Met someone cute & interesting in Boulder, who I’d be interested in spending more time with!  But, a 6 hour drive is rough.  Maybe not as bad as 3/4 of the country, of course, since you can just up and drive it, but not easily.  But, I get the impression he’s not interested when I don’t hear back for a week.  Then, after that, my original bf now back in FL wants to get back together.  He writes me a long letter to that end, and we talk a lot.  I say I’m willing to give it a try.  I think, in my head, I wanted something scaled back. Maybe date other people, gain some perspective.  I do a poor job of expressing this, and now I gather it’s all or nothing.  At this point, of course, the guy from CO reappears and indicates interest.  What would make me happiest is to see what develops with both of them.  But I’ve been told in no uncertain terms that isn’t in the cards.  Feeling very tired and disconsolate.  Don’t know what I should do.  Tired of distance.  Tired of uncertainty.  Just plain tired from not sleeping well.  I feel like I need to make a decision, either the shiny unknown or the known that didn’t work the first time but can make changes.  I hate gambling.  I want everything in the world.  I don’t want to hurt anyone. Don’t know what to do.